It's really sad that I can tell you everything, except for the truth that I love you. :|
Noelle Francisco. 21. Accounting major. Aquarian.
It's really sad that I can tell you everything, except for the truth that I love you. :|
It's stupid how all these movies affect me. If I had been a movie junkie, things might even be worse. I seriously hate my life right now. I wish it was easier, like in the movies. Or harder. As long as I'm guaranteed a happy ending. </3
School starts tomorrow and I'm excited and scared at the same time. I'm excited because of my new school and my new classmates; scared because tomorrow's the start of my serious review. I can't believe I'm giving up Tumblr. Hahaha. Kidding. I need to do this. I hope everything goes well.
So the original plan was that I would go to review school for the first sem and then come second sem, I would work (and review on my own at home) and take the CPA licensure exam on May 2012.
BUT..
After the release of the October 2011 exam, I decided to withdraw my job application and enroll again in another review school. K. It's my fault. It's my fault that I won't be able to help mom with the expenses here at home 'cause I'll be studying again. I feel like I disappointed her in a way. Being a businesswoman in itself is hard already. What more if you're a single parent with four kids to feed and take care of? I understand where she's coming from.
We're not rich, even when Dad was still alive. We only have enough, and sometimes, income even falls short. And I think the best way that I could help mom is to sell my car. She can use the proceeds for her business and for the expenses here at home.
I got my car 3 years ago as an 18th birthday gift from my grandparents. So yesterday I asked them if I could sell it, and they said yes. Of course, if I could think of another way to help my mom, I won't give up my car because it's important to me. But for now, honestly, I think it's my best option.
It's been weeks since I last posted something here. I've been busy with a lot of things. Job application, pre-employment exam, interviews, withdrawal of job application, enrollment in another review school. Haha. Sometimes, life just gets so overwhelming that I can't keep up anymore. And yeah, I know a little pause won't hurt, so that's what I do.
I blog on Tumblr, post pictures that I find cute or interesting, share random thoughts, but that's about it. I never really sit down and write like I used to, not because I don't have time because I've got lots of free time, but because I'm always too tired to think.
I make drafts, yes, but they never really get published 'cause they always come off as too dramatic. The things you write are reflections of your own emotions. K. Maybe I've been a bit emotional these past few days, thus, the silly i'm-so-sad-and-the-world-won't-understand entries that I've saved in my drafts folder. Yes, this is my personal blog and I can post whatever I want, but I also need to keep in mind that someone else will read whatever I post here, so I still need to be careful. I don't wanna be misunderstood.
I miss happy posts.
I looked up to you when I was a kid. You're beautiful, rich, and you've got many friends. I told myself, Hey! I wanted to be like her. You were my idol, but not anymore. You turned out to be a monster hiding behind that beautiful face so people are fooled into thinking that you're nice and all, but in reality, you're the exact opposite. You are rich, yes, but you got rich at the expense of others and not solely because of your hard work. You're a liar, and you make up stories to kill time. You've got many friends, but none of them are real. They only cling to you 'cause they need your money, and that's it. I remember being in your party once, and people were all nice to you, but when you walked away, they started talking about how angry they all were 'cause of the things you did to them.. In front of my face. Me, your own granddaughter. They told me how bad you were, and I believed them. I believed them, 'cause you were treating my father the same way..and I saw that. Little did I know that a few years down the road, I would hate you even more 'cause I'll lose someone so important me 'cause of you. And now you're doing all these crazy things to my mother. When will you get fucking tired?! Tell me, why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you? You were once my idol. But you showed me who I shouldn't be like when I grow older. I don't think I'll be able to forgive you, and I hope you know you've lost my respect.
I've always believed that I'm different. And since I was a kid, I've blamed my zodiac sign for my behavior, because besides the stars, I don't know who else or which else to point to. You see, I'm an Aquarius with an INTJ personality type (if you know Myers-Briggs). No, I'm not just claiming that I am one 'cause I've taken the real test, thank you.
Now, how weird can that be?
According to WIKIPEDIA, "INTJs are one of the rarest of the sixteen personality types, and account for about 1–4% of the population." GREAT.
How about being an Aquarius? In one website, I read that Aquarius is the eccentric individualist. Aquarius loves anything weird, quirky or on the cutting-edge. And if you're under the same zodiac sign, or if you know a lot about astrology, you know how true that is.
Being aware of these things helped me to understand the people around me, and how they relate to me as a person. As a kid, I've always felt misunderstood 'cause I think differently. But as years passed, I've learned to see it as a gift, and that's when I started being happy that I'm not like everyone else. Ordinary is boring, and thank God I'm not.
She became sad when he left. The life she knew will never be the same again - that she was sure of. She loved him and he loved her. But their story was proof that even good things end.
He moved on with his life. While she, continued loving him from afar. She was happy when he was. He never cared though. She was sad when he was. He never noticed. She knew she was making a fool of herself, but she didn't care.Time came when she got tired, for no one was to wait forever. She continued living her life the way she knew how. She tried her best to forget. And it came to a point where it didn't bother her so much.What she didn't know was that he too, was watching her from afar. He saw her every move. He saw her every fall. He watched as she stepped out of his shadow, little by little. But she never noticed, for she was already too tired to even care.
I’ve been wanting to speak, but I know, because of the pain in my heart, how much my words could hurt. Being human and imperfect, there are things I can not stand. I want to let people know when they’ve crossed the line. I can’t and I surely won’t pretend things are okay when they’re not.
But being hurt doesn’t give me the right to be rude. And it definitely isn’t enough reason to hurt other people too.And so every time I pray, I ask God to be my voice. He knows what needs to be said. And most importantly, He knows when and how to say it right.
My best friend's right. I should not watch sad movies/videos, 'cause I easily get affected and I always end up putting myself in a bad mood. I know it's been 10 years since the 9/11 attack, but seeing all these pictures and videos on Tumblr makes me forget, that yes, it has been that long.
Helplessness. Have you ever been in a situation where you badly want to be saved but you know that everyone else around you is as helpless as you are? That they can't help you 'cause they too need help? Well, I have - in a different situation though.
Death. Have you ever lost someone so dear to you because of something stupid? Someday, we all must die, but people are never ready for it. You can never be ready for something like that. Death always comes as a surprise, and that's what makes it more painful to those who are left behind.
Healing takes time. And you know what's annoying? Sometimes, memories come rushing back, even those that you thought you've already forgotten. They haunt you, and they pinch your heart, sometimes too hard that remembering becomes more painful than the actual experience.
I've felt helpless, I've lost someone dear to me, and no, I don't think I've moved on yet. The situation and the circumstances maybe different, but it hurt just the same.
